Yes, but why is the rum gone?

Okay this is funny as hell. Lots of time wasted. But it was fun. I'm dead but it was worth it

Well I've been gone awhile and here's why: I have Fibromyalgia. Basically its an incurrable chonic disorder that causes moderate to severe muscle pain, constant fatigue, sleep disorders, and many other related issues. think about it....every part of your body is a muscle. Your heart, your lungs, your stomach, ect. and Fibromyalgia attacks muscles and soft tissues. The possiblitly for related problems is endless. They now also believe that Fibromyalgia is related to Parkinson's Disease.

So I hurt, and am tired much of the time. I'm fighting the good fight and I have a good friend who also has Fibromyalgia and she has been a support and my BF helps as much as he can. But it is still a struggle. I discovered today that I can not go grocery shopping any more. A trip to the grocery store that would have given me a mild sore foot and a headache last year now has me out for the count. I was rather annoyed with myself today when I damn near collapsed at Kroger's. I knew I couldn't handel walmart anymore (I have to get those motorized carts) but groceries weren't that bad before. I've taken about 1600 mg of Ibprophen in the last 6 hours and my head still hurts and I'm back to my cane today. Welcome to my life.

I've started painting again. I haven't picked up a brush since I was in 7th grade, but I love it and its turning out really nice. I have always had this thing for glass. I collect glass bottles and art glass. Well now I paint glass too. I'm really enjoying it. Maybe I'll be able sell some of it.

Life is eventful.

David (bf) was in the hospital for chest pains again. They did a Catheterization. Basically they picked an atery in an delicate area and threaded a bunch of tubes up to his heart and shot his heart full of dye and the blew up balloons in the blocked areas and put in stents (wire mesh) to hold them open for a long time. We got him to the hospital in time and he was only in one night. It was really not very dramatic (despite cirtain individuals best efforts to make it more than it was). He wasn't really in that much danger. He absolutely did not have a heart attack. He had 'warning tremors' as the doctors put it.

He is home, running around as normal, and doing well. He does not want fuss. He is in good shape and will be fine.

Side note to "cirtain individuals" (because I'm majorly pissed): When someone is in the hospital...LEAVE YOUR OWN SHIT AT HOME. TAKE ANY PROBLEMS OR BAD DAY BULLSHIT AND STICK THEM UP YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU GO HOME. Once home you may then shit them out again to the whole world.

Some people have no concept of being there for others and care only about what is wrong with themselves. Extrememly bad timing.

Okay I'm done ranting. And don't ask me who I was refering to. They know it. And if you don't know it, its best that it just gets left alone.

I'M BACK! MWAHAHAHAHAHA My evil shall rein/rain upon the earth.

Okay well I finnally felt like posting. So here I am. In general I'm doing pretty good. My boyfriend is probably the sweetest, most generous man I know. I am very happy with him. And I'm very lucky to have him. Thank you Universe!

I lost a friend. I'm hurt over it, but I'm the one that ended it. I don't hate her. I want good things for her but she lied to me and went behind my back about everything durring the entire almost 5 years I knew her. I just couldn't do it anymore. There was some animosity on both sides and I think she felt like she had to be my friend. I'm not sure why and I'm not going to obsess about it. I'm not in her brain...but I think my ending the friendship released her a little too. I think she needs to away from me to work on being healthy and I definately needed to be away from her to be healthy. So to quote Jenmur "meh".

I finnally got my food stamps back. Yay! $400+ a month will keep my babies fed with bellies full of all the healthy organic food I can pack in them, and allow me to help those in need. Organic food...does a body and soul good.

I'm still unemployed. I have mad office and computer skills but the job market here sucks shit through a tube and then dies from it. The unemployment rate around here is phenomenal. Things are starting to happen but its going to take awhile for a lasting change to be made.

I am responsible for a bill board. This frightens me. Okay a little back story here.... In my last job I was basically a peace corps member on american soil. AmeriCorps. AmeriCorps' mission is to "ease poverty on homeland soil." AmeriCorps members get sent all over the country to work.

So Long story short I was miraculasly in possition to talk with groups like United Way, Hunting Banks, and countless other major companies that would probably only be known locally but have major federal pull. Part of what made my position special is that I was living in poverty and working with poverty. I saw a part of the picture that most cant see and I was given tools through AmeriCorps to articulate what I was seeing. I was sent to a meeting at United Way with bigwigs from all over. Major bigwigs. I had to answer a question. "What I do I with they all knew about what it was like to be poor". Loaded question. Well I gave a 20 min speech and left them in tears.

I'm comming to a point I promise... One of the major barriers to poverty Here is transportation. Busses don't go where you want when you want, ect. And I said to a room full of suits, "Affordable cars are crap." I sat and let that sink in for a minute and said "Affordable cars are crap." then I went into detail. Well Huntington Banks heard that loud and clear. A week later I was in another meeting with Huntington to work out plans on how do we get good cars in the hands of those that need them. They eventually came up with something.

Ta Da! here's the bill board part. I saw a bill board from United WAy that said "Thanks to United Way I can now get to work" and it was picture of a lady driving a nice car. So I'm responsible for a bill board. I mean I'm really proud that someone heard me and is doing something great with that, but I'm also a little frightened. ........................................ People are listening to me.

Does this scare anyone else? lol

Okay I wrote a novel. WEll thats what happens when you run away and come back. hehe. Hope everyone still loves me. lmao

I'm leaving LJ for a time. There is too much drama going on. I feel like one those celebrities we see on TV who goes crazy because the papiratzi won't back down. I can't even date someone with out it turning into public knowledge and public firing range. Many in my local social group keep posting all kinds of shit about who did what to whom.

I suppose I'm just as guilty of that as anyone else is lately. Recent posts were about people who hurt me bad and wanted drama. So I gave them drama. They should be happy and vindicated now. I'm not. It doesn't do any good. They're still assholes.

Part of me thinks...well maybe they won't play that game with anyone else I know because everyone was warned...but I'm not sure I believe it.

Well the cycle ends here. I have a life and I'm going to go live it. And I'm going to get the hell off this gossip machine until I can handle it with a more adult flair. (keep yo mind out the gutta hehe)

I'm not deleting the account. I'm just off line as far as LJ is concerned for awhile.

If you would to converse with me on e-mail or phone or something, just reply to this with your e-mail and I'll send the pertenate info for you.

Catch ya'll on the flipside.

Drama drama drama drama. Drama drama drama, drama, drama, and drama. Drama drama. Drama. Drama drama drama drama drama, oh and drama drama. DRAMA! I mean really, drama drama. drama. .......drama.......

You know I make descisions. I make my own descisions. Have for about 8 years since I left home and moved out of state with less than $300 in my pocket. I make good descisions. I make bad descisions. I make little descisions, I make big descision. Some are popular and some are not. I stand by my descisions. Even my bad ones. Every step we take in this life is step to who we are, and who we are meant to be. I have no regrets. I am sorry for a lot of my bad descisions, but I can not regret them because they are a part of what makes me me. I do occasinally talk shit about people, but I always say it to their face. My friends and everyone else in my life that pisses me off knows what I say and why. Okay so maybe sharing it and venting to other people is a bad descision, but its my descision to make. And the person in question knows about it.

Recently a couple of people tried to trap me. Why or even with what exactly I don't know. Well jokes on them. They were playing eachother as well. I was told I said things that came out of someone else's mouth...or typing fingers as the case may be. I was lied about. Basically because these two wanted more drama. They started a long time ago in this game. It didn't go according to plan so they tried to make it worse.

7toe: "So you think Cat is all talk and no action?"
ssuzzi_q "No, I think she cares, and she has plenty of action, but she tries to mother. You make your own descisons."

ssuzzi_q: "He's special in so many ways but he is a man and he can hurt, and feel, and be sad"
7toe: "I know. He's not superman"

ssuzzi_q: "Well if you feel you need to tell her, tell her."
7toe: "what do you think she might do?"
ssuzzi_q: "I don't know, but she'll have a lot more respect for you if you come forward and tell her now, I fucked up. She may never speak to you again, but you made a choice and you have to face the consequences. I hurt crystal. I didn't mean to. But I did and I have to deal with those consequences."

So how well does my IM archive match the one hand fed you by 7toe Cat?

You know if you are going to be pissed at me for my descisions, fine. Thats part of the consequences and I'll deal with that, but at least be mad at me for the truth and not a bunch of lies.

As for needing a man, Universe! I proclaim it now!, I've been single for two years. Single and celibate. I've been working and actually helping other with their shit and bills. I am an adult. I don't want a mother and I dont' need permission to date anyone, or advise on how I raise my kids. You're so worried about people being grown ups and using "tough love" well let them fuck up. Let them deal with their consequences and listen as they figure it out for themselves what assholes they've been. You forcing it only makes people fuck up bigger. If someone is to change they need to want to change themselves. YOU CAN NOT MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

I know you've hated me for a long time. But I wasn't a bitch you. I didn't even talk bad about you. And even after I knew you hated me I still showed up in an emergency to back your ass. Knowing you were talking shit to me to your husband the whole time. I didn't let you drop, because I cared whether you lived or died. You opinion of me didn't matter. God knew what was in my heart. And I cared about doing the right thing.

Tabby. I was genuinely trying to help. No I didn't believe for one second you were with Bigblue. Not his type. But I also wasn't going to just haul off and call you liar. I was going to check on it. Then we did check on it and you were playing a game. All the shit you said about Cat and Mic I figured you had it out for them. And I was pissed about being played. So I stood behind Cat. And I knew you had lots of issues in the spring time and why so I acutally thought you were just having issues. I was going to take you down and talk you through because you wanted to stop running. Because you wanted to stand up and be counted.

Okay so we got trapped and shit on for doing the right thing. Crystal and I both tried to do the right thing and tell a woman who claims to have had affair come clean so she can be a better person. Yeah...real adult. I'm the child. Hmmmmm. Maybe I'm just stupid but explain it for me.

BTW Tabby, cat says you lied about loosing your last child. It never happened according to her and you are "just like crystal...a pity person". And Cat tabby doesn't like to be mothered and she wishes you'd just back off and let her be her own person.

Yeah....jokes on you two. You played each other. Get the fuck out of Jr. High. I'm tired of babysitting homocidal children. All they do is stabb.

I got a lot done today. I got my kitchen and living room clean, fixed the vacumm cleaner, scrubbed the floors on my hands and knees (now my knees are out...again. I swear I have some sort of rare degenerative tendon disorder), and cooked. I even have plans of making mashed potatoes from scratch. Only the best kind ever. lol

Now I'm tired. I think I'll see if I can convince my kids to take a nap so I can too. Wish me luck. I think I'll need it on that score.

I'm excited. The song "You Gotta Be" by Desiree is my theme song. I found it on ringtones. Yay! Now to go get my mail, and convince my kids to settle down.

Whats new with all of you????????

You'll die from an Unlikely Illness (like the plague).

You will unfortunately succumb to a random and unlikely disease. Only to find out after death that eating more broccoli would have cured you.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Hehe Thanks for the quiz greensh. I find I steal a lot of those off of you. Should I be scared of that? lol

This was stolen from someone on allpaths, but I had a few friends who needed to see it. So I decided to repost it. This is the concept from the recent Oprah show called "The Secret" Its about living. Its about being the best person you can be. There are a few people in my life who are really struggling to keep moving everyday and cope with big descisions...some of these descisions they didn't even know were comming. I feel this is important, and this is a way of easing some pain.

MY LOVES YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS FOR YOU.

1 Law of attraction. What you put out you get back.
2 Look at what your grateful for about your partner; not what you resent.
3 Forgive self; I created it. I admitted it.
4 Stop focusing on things you don’t want. What you focus on only expands.
5 So how do you fit God in to all of this? God gave us free will. Your choices/judgments create your own personal heaven or hell. Kingdom of heaven is at hand now….if you choose it.
6 Nothing new can come in w/o gratitude. Gratitude makes room for even more good things to come into your life.
7 Peace already exists within and with you. It’s just our filters can get a little dirty sometimes and block the view.
8 Anticipating = looking forward to it happening. Participating = knowing it’s going to happen.
9 Come out of victim consciousness.
10 Intention + Attention
11 Trying is failing with honor. Example. T: Are you coming over to dinner tonight. B: I’ll try! (You know already that they won’t be coming!!)
12 If you don’t know what to create look at: Financial, Relationship, Intellectual, Spiritual and Physical side of things.
13 List things…you don’t want…then flip the wording to it says what you do want.
I just want to be happy is not precise enough. Give the universe something to work with!
14 Unforgiveness is a form of self abuse. You are choosing that path.
15 You don’t have to struggle. If you are struggling it may signify that you are headed in the ‘wrong’ direction. Things should be easy. Find your flow and go with it. Allow.
16 How can you serve?
17 Realize that mediocrity always attacks excellence. You are exceeding their level and that makes them uncomfortable. They begin to realize on some level that they don’t have the courage to do what you do. This can be really hard on a person to take in.
18 Celebrate other’s good as if it is your own. We are all connected…..so it really is your good as well.
19 Nothing happens by accident.

Answers to a neat meme a friend found. The questions are from rushthatspeaks.



1. How did you choose your kids' names?
Caine's dad always wanted to name a child caine. He is a pro wrestler and there is a wwe character named Kane. So I had a fit and didn't like it. He told me how he was going spell it Caine and added edward. When I put it together I decided that Caine Edward Dunnagan was a pretty nice sounding name.

Hailey on the other hand.... Hailey's real name is Brianna. She chose this. She is quite strong with telepathy and we had arguments over it when I was pregnant. At the time her father was claiming that he had had another child when he was 13 and her name was Brianna. Well there couldn't be too Brianna's so I started searching. I wanted something different, but not so differet as to cause ridicule when she started school. We ended up with Hailey Michelle Hill. Its pretty. It's not her name. Her 3 year old self will tell you this very clearly. Whats worse is I found out her dad lied and Hailey is in fact his first kid and there was no other Brianna to contend with. But she's living into it and I think she may forget the Brianna thing in a few years.

What was really wierd is when I was pregnant children came up to me because they wanted to say hi to Brianna. Welcome to life with psychic children. Caine is a medium and is appropriately freaked out by it for a 6yr old. I'm pretty sure he chose his name too. Its too perfect for him.

2. What's your dream job-- if you had absolutely any skill set and could pick anything you wanted, what would it be?
Graphic Artist. I love it. To me its the best thing since Van Gogh painted starry night. I feel I can do anything with it. Graphics explore the concepts running 'round my head that have no words. It is like music to me. Music, for those of you who don't know, is something that I can mold. It is almost physical. I can take it and mold it and bend it into anything. It flows through me like energy from a circle and encompasses my entire being. Graphic arts is like that for me too. With Graphics I can finnally paint the world with music.

If you would like to see some of my work go to www.evolvinglight.com/art You will see not only a lovely picture of me but also some of my graphics and poetry.

3. Are you in a choir or singing group right now?
no. **down cast guilty look** I find I have little opportunity these days. I still sing. I sing all the time. At home I will practice and stretch my voice and try to improve. But no groups or starring roles, or even back ground roles. I sing for God or whatever you call the all that is. When He calls I sing my hardest. I'm a bit of a bard at heart.

But in October this year I will be singing at a friend's wedding. I'm also the maid of honor so I don't know how we're going to work the logistics but I can't wait to find out. I also can't wait to get the music from the bride and groom (hint hint).

4. What's your favorite food?
Strogganoff. It is horrible to look at, cloggs your arteries beyond repair, but I love it. My father hates it. On my birthday my parents would ask me what wanted for dinner and would always loudly proclaim: Strogganoff. And my father would cringe. That was part of the joy I have to admit. But I still love strogganoff.

5. Do you think you're going to stay in Columbus for the foreseeable future?
Hell No! lol

It has been fortold that I shall move on and set up what I call worship centers around the country. This is a one stop shop for religeon. You would have in it a library and computer lab to study all faiths. A main meeting hall. Classrooms to teach. Special rooms with accomodations for the various faiths, like a mini mosque with two rooms separated by veils because women and men worship separetly. A zen room for the buddhaists. Bathrooms with a private stall set up for those that participate in ritual bathing before worship. I have a plan for a permanant circle set up for outdoor pagan worship in all weather. A playground. A family violence shelter for strait men, women, teens, children, gay, lesbian, bi, families, and trans. No one would be turned away. Everyone could worship and learn how they see fit and everyone could be safe.

To understand why I want to do this go to www.evolvinglight.com This my website and my baby. This is how I see the world. Evolving Light is my gift to the world. Yes I am a hereditary witch and I do practice but it is only one part of the All that Is. Evolving Light is how I express the All that Is.

You Are 34% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

I'm the shit beeyotch! And don't you forget it. lmao

Well its the end. Maybe not the end of all time, but definately a big change. Most of you know that I have been serving as a professional Volunteer for AmeriCorps* VISTA for the past 2 years. I work in the community to build capacity and enhance the quality of life for people in poverty. My particular project did this for over 1,000 inner city families. You only get 2 years at this. WEll MAYBE a 3rd year, but that takes an act of congress and all 3rd years were summarily denied by the coproration that pays me.

The hirearchy works likes this. CPO made a partnership with CHP. CHP petioned the Corporation for National and Community Service to recieve highly trained motivated individuals who would recive a living allowance and come volunteer for them. All 3 interviewed and hired me. I go to the Corporation for training. They send me to CHP who in turn sends me to CPO who, by the way, is my land lord.

I LOVE it. I love my project, I love CPO. I hate CHP. They're assholes. Many of them have several asses each. At times it truly seems that they shit from the mouth and the ears as well as thier asses. lol But I LOVE what I do. WEll my 2 years is up Friday. Now I need a job. I am officially a highly trained, motivated individual with a knack for administrative support. one problem. THERE ARE NO FUCKING JOBS IN THIS CITY!! (no I don't swear like that at work...I promise. But on my own time you'd swear I was a drunken sailor hehe.)

I'm going to miss my job. I'm not going to miss CHP, or all the pety bullshit that happens when you have a bunch of not so well trained or motivated volunteers mixed in the group. I suppose though that I will find this petty bullshit anywhere I go. Maybe I'll have more tolerance for it if I'm actually getting paid enough to get off food stamps. FYI with two kids and a single mom thats about $14.00 an hour full time just to break even. Fun fun fun.

It is the end of a time.

Now what the hell do I do with myself?

Singing lustily, "Finally it happened to me, right in front of my face and I just can not hide it." Okay the insanity is out of my system.

Friend finnally got over herself and apologized for real and was honest about what her major malfunction was. She even suggested a plan of action to get the "why behind"(the why behind is a trademark of my boss and may not be copied without express permission) it all under control.

Not sure whats going to happen now. But its a step in the right direction.

I'm emotionally drained. Too much recently. Just too much.

Disclaimer. This is rather gross but it was very funny. So if you don't want to be grossed out and laugh at the same time please avert your eyes.

I was hanging out with a couple of lesbians today. One was complaining that she couldn't do anything with her new girlfriend because she is on her cycle. That got us into many jokes about "red wings" (for those that don't know getting your red wings is when you perform oral sex on a woman who is having her period). Anyway my mind went past the gutter and straight for the sewer and I came up with this:

The Battle Cry of the Red Wing Warriors
(sung to the tune of the air force theme)

Off we go into the wild red forest
Off we go into the hole
Off we go
We're the Menstral Air Force
Flying high into the dark


Sorry. I apologize to everyone. I just couldn't resist.

well I'm alive. I'm here. No one died. My life is boring...sometimes. So what has been going on with me? Well I'm working and that is interesting. My term here ends in Feb. and I'm tring to line up another job as well as pass off/train others on all the work I do here. Thats actually more work than actually doing it.

My baby is 6 as of yesterday. As usual I'm whimpering about it. So I'll save you all the mush.

Caution: Severe Tire Damage Ahead!
most of you know that my car lives at Drag0nsprit, Crazychristian, and Shyboy's home. This is because I am still working on my licence and my landlord will tow it because I'm not the one driving it. My car also sits in a handicap space with appropriate signage because 2 members of the house need it (well really all 3 do, but we can't convince the 3rd one to go to the doctor about it *HINT*). One of the neighbor's boyfriend was always parking there. He does not need it. We were very nice for a long time, telling him Dude you can't park there. And there were plenty of nearby spaces. Well he finally got a ticket. Dec.6th my tire got sliced. Christmas day 2 of my tires got sliced. Jan.6th 2 tires on Drag0nspirit and Crazychristian's vehicle go sliced. Jan.7th 1 tire on Shyboy's vehicle got sliced. The cops estimate around $400 in tire damage at this point. None of us have the money for that. Drag0nspirit and Shyboy are out for blood...against my better advice of course.lol

Great Blond Moments in Herstory! (yes I meant to spell it that way.)
Well I was home sick yesterday. Some wierd sinus and stomach thingy. It sucked and did not swallow (sorry, couldn't resist). Anyway...I'm on high levels of Ibprophen for a disorder I have daily. I usually take this in the morning (don't worry the point is comming). I got up around 1pm and took my pill and went to go eat. Around 4pm my head started hurting so I though, oh my pill must be wearing off. So I took another forgetting until the moment I swallowed that I had taken one at 1pm. So I had about 1,200 mg of Ibprophen in my system yesterday. Now I learned that that amount won't kill you, but it certainly makes you high. lol

In a nutshell...I'm alive, nobody died, and my life is in general boring.

From me to all of you. Follow this link for a warm holiday greeting.

http://www.care2.com/ecards/p/8354-9930-16238-6041

tired tired tired tired tired.

I'm tired. Can you tell? I'm just sort of exhausted today. I had a partially bad day yesterday that kind of left me emotionally drained. Everything worked out well in the end, I'll even be seeing 5 of my 7 favorite people on Saturday. (wow I didn't know I had that many favorite people...) No favorites I promise. They're all equal to me.

Anyway...I got off subject. Easy to do when you can't think straight. Uh oh. I feel another tangent comming on *****deep breath**** okay disaster averted. Back to what I was saying. I woke up this morning so tired and I just can't seem to get moving today. Its been a while since I've been this tired. I don't want to cook, work on graphics, or anything. I want to put the kids down early and go to bed. Maybe some wonderful person out there will take my children for the night so I can sleep in tomarrow. ****Please God?****

Maybe I'll just put them to bed and take a bath or read or something. But I have to stay mobile for the 3 hours between getting home and putting them to bed and manage something for dinner. I'm not sure how thats going to work, but I am Mom, and Moms have super strength in them. When baby came out God put steel in.

Today the school called. My son took a flying leap and hit his head. He's fine, just nicely bumped. Kids his age are made of rubber anyway. More likely to bounce than brake.